I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She bit a glass in half.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
