I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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