But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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