drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
