It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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