dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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