So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
