i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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