on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
