He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
