I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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