So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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