So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
