Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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