So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
