SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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