Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
