i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
