did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
