booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
