I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
