We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
