I puked a lego.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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