Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
