When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
