Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
