my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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