DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
tonight lets celebrate not being married
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
