he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
