If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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