Princesses don't give blow jobs
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
