someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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