I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
