will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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