Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
