Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
