Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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