i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
