Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
