OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
