they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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