i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
This is the high leading the old right now
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
