I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
