And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
