tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just want nice things and good sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
