i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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