remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
