i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
