So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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