When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am in a vortex of obligation.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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