My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
