i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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