I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
